Often when I ask clients about their self-care, the response is “I’m always so busy taking care of everyone else, and everything else, there’s no time for ME!” Does this sound familiar? Women in general, and mothers in particular, seem to have this idea that it is their job to Be All to Everyone. Imagine if you could be free to give yourself what I call ‘Optimal Self-Care’? Today I offer 3 Key Reasons why Self-Care is the least selfish thing you can do to help you and your family to THRIVE (not just survive).
1-The more you care for yourself, the more you can care for others. It’s like on an airplane when they say “In an emergency, put your own oxygen mask on first, before helping others.” You’re much better equipped to help others if you can breathe! In daily life, everyone has a better chance of surviving (and THRIVING), if you take care of your own breathing needs first. It also sets an example of calm confidence in the face of crisis (either real or perceived). Or as my son told me one day, “When you’re happy, Mom, we’re happy.” What a brilliant young man!
2-Self-Care is about setting good boundaries. The ultimate goal is to “say ‘yes’ when I mean yes, and ‘no’ when I mean no.” And what a great example this sets to those around us (especially children, partner, and co-workers). I think this is the simplest (and often most difficult) practice. I was going to say “especially for women,” but I know many men who have difficulty with this. I have been asked “What if I don’t want to go fishing with my husband, but that’s our only vacation together?” I might ask, “Do you want to go fishing?” No. “Do you want to spend this quality time with your partner?” Yes. “Is there anything about these trips that you enjoy?” Yes. “Do you actually have to do the fishing?” No. “Can you enjoy most of this trip?” Yes. “Now do you want to go?” Yes. (You can ask yourself similar questions to get to yes or no).
3-Make your needs known. Do you ever assume people can read your mind? Culturally, we have been downloaded with the message that says: “people who care about us should just KNOW what we need and want”. We shouldn’t have to ASK for what we need and want! They should be mind-readers. And we should be able to read the minds of those we care about. This creates unspoken expectations that lead to disappointment, misunderstanding, and resentment. Instead, learn to create Verbal Agreements. Creating Agreements requires SPEAKING to one another about wants and needs, listening to one another, and learning to collaborate with the other person to create a situation where hopefully both people get their needs met. Imagine not having to be right all the time, and not having to win. Rather, creating and co-creating an energy of fun and love and fulfillment. Whoa, what a concept.
Does Self-Care sound good to you? If you would like more suggestions for Self-Care, email me and put “10 Tips for Exceptional Self-Care,” in the subject line. I will send you more ideas for THRIVING.
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If implementing these ideas seems daunting or impossible, contact me for a free phone consultation to see how I can help you shift your personal self-care paradigm!
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