This past weekend I was honored to spend two days and nights with 15 amazing women at our annual “Portland Society Business Boot Camp.” Portland Society is a non-profit networking group that I belong to. We are a group of women who are passionate about business and bikes – and we gather once a month for a morning educational/inspirational meeting. Once a year we also sponsor the Business Boot Camp. I was asked to be a presenter – how cool is that? – on “Overcoming Fears.” What a great topic for bringing in Tapping!
Fears come in lots of shapes and sizes, and hide behind lots of other things. I’ve discovered that one of the most efficient ways to get to the root of a fear is to ask a specific question.
I gave a short personal history, and then I told them what I know about fear. There are very real fears – like when you’re being attacked or there is a bus speeding toward you – when you’re in imminent physical danger. Our built-in fear response is really good for getting us out of the way of that kind of danger – by fighting back or running away. But there are other kinds of fears that are based on imagined fears – events that aren’t imminent – maybe not even likely. But we’re still afraid of those. These kinds of fears are of things like being humiliated, or possibly having an argument with someone, or speaking up with an idea that is different than the crowd. These are the fears that I like helping people overcome. I have them too!
I asked all the participants to write down something they’ve been avoiding. Like maybe a phone call, or looking at your bills, or making an apology to someone, or having a difficult conversation. You can do this now, too. “What are you avoiding?” Answering this question will quickly lead you to what you’re really afraid of, and it isn’t usually what we think.
The participants each wrote down their answers. I then asked for volunteers – who would like to share what they’ve been avoiding, and possibly get to the root of it, and be free? Janice (not her real name) raised her hand and said she’s been avoiding emailing an established client to announce a rate increase for her services. Janice is a writer, and has been working with this client for some time. She didn’t think her client would even mind the rate increase, because Janice’s work is worth it, and this client has the budget for it.
I asked her to think about sending that email and notice where in her body she felt the fear. She noticed it in her chest and her throat. The intensity was an 8 out of 10. I asked everyone to tap along and repeat the words I said, whether those words applied to them or not. I focused on Janice as we tapped, but looked around often to see how everyone else was responding.
“Even though I feel fear when I think about sending an email to my client, letting them know I’m raising my rates, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
“Even though I feel that fear in my chest and in my throat, I deeply love and accept myself.”
“Even though I’ve been avoiding sending that email, I love and accept myself.”
And so on – through one complete round.
Then I checked back in with Janice. The fear intensity was already down to a 4, and she said that during that round she realized that she was afraid of causing a conflict. I looked around the room and asked if anyone could relate. All heads nodded “yes.” I then asked Janice where she had learned about being afraid of conflict, and she said that in her family, no one ever argued and no one was comfortable with conflict. So she had LEARNED to be afraid of asking for what she deserves because it might feel like a conflict – even though she didn’t think her client would object.
We then tapped on that belief that she had – “that asking for what I want could cause a conflict, and conflict isn’t ok.” Again, just one round, and her intensity on the original fear was down to a 2. I asked her to imagine sending the email on Monday and notice how fearful she felt. She wasn’t afraid at all. And then Janice said “I just realized that I’m also avoiding talking to my husband about some things, and I see now it’s for the same reason – I’m afraid of conflict.” Janice looked noticeably more relaxed after this very brief Tapping.
This is a great question to ask yourself when you’re feeling stuck. What am I avoiding? Then tap on the answer, and go a bit deeper – or get right to the root of the fear and tap it out. Be as thorough as you can, or get professional help. You will be amazed at how much easier it is to move forward once these unconscious fears have been dissipated.
If you’ve been foIlowing me for even a short time, you know I LOVE Tapping. My experiences with it – for myself and my clients and my friends and family – is amazing. I often give presentations like the one I did this weekend, and I always include a Tapping demonstration! I co-facilitate a monthly MeetUp here in Portland, and the topic is, yep – Tapping! I could give a TEDTalk (I hope to do that soon), and I would find a way to bring Tapping into it. Can’t you just picture an audience full of science-minded people, Tapping along and saying “Even though I think this tapping stuff is silly, I Love and Accept myself!”?
Welcome to PPH – where your dreams really CAN come true! Please let me know how I can support you in your journey.
